Who wears a wallet chain?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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