remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize