You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
