We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
