my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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