I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
