Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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