just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize