ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
