you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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