just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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