the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
