So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The Olympian is in my bed
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