don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
