and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize