oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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