U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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