Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
