He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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