Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
