She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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