WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
