I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
