can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
