This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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