Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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