Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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