Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
