hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
