you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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