I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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