"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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