I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
