cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
