There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize