I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
