he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
