It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
