I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
