my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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