you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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