All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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