careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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