How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
