I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am available for nakedness
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
