Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
