just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
