I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
