I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize