either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
