strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
