I cannot find my penis.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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