I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
