He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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