PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
