3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she woke up with a sticky ear
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
