she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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