he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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