Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
