So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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