To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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