i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
