So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
