carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
