Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
