She said her name was "party"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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