so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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