He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
