I think my vagina is haunted
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
