i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
