I think I won the penis lottery.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
