my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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