dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
