What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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