apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
